01-09-2008, 06:12 AM
|
#1 (permalink) |
|
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
Fluffy's tips Part II
1. Remember - everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
2. If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem. 3. Weight watchers. Avoid that devilish temptation to nibble at a chocolate bar in the cupboard or fridge by not buying the darn thing in the first place. 4. Save on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whisky. The morning after, you can create the effects of a hangover by drinking a thimble full of washing up liquid and banging your head repeatedly on the wall. 5. Recreate the fun of a visit to a public swimming pool in your home by filling the bath with cold water, adding two bottles of bleach,then urinating into it, before jumping in. 6. Don't buy expensive 'ribbed' condoms, just buy an ordinary one and slip a handful of frozen peas inside it before you put it on. 7. X-Files fans. Create the effect of being abducted by aliens by drinking two bottles of vodka. You'll invariably wake up in a strange place the following morning, having had your memory mysteriously 'erased'. 8. Don't waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand next to the object you wish to view. 9. Thicken up runny low-fat yoghurt by stirring in a spoonful of lard. 10. Anorexics. When your knees become fatter than your legs, start eating cakes again. 11. A next door neighbour's car aerial, carefully folded, makes an ideal coat hanger in an emergency. 12. Olympic athletes. Disguise the fact that you've taken steroids by running a bit slower. 13. Smokers. Save on matches and lighters, by simply lighting your next fag from the butt of your last one. 14. Vegetarians coming to dinner? Simply serve them a nice bit of steak or veal. Since they're always going on about how tofu, Quorn, meat substitute etc 'tastes exactly like the real thing', they won't know the difference. 15. Invited by vegetarians for dinner? Point out that since you'd no doubt be made aware of their special dietary requirements, tell them about yours, and ask for a nice steak. 16. Before attempting to remove stubborn stains from a garment, always circle the stain in permanent pen, so that when you remove the garment from the washing machine you can easily locate the area of the stain and check that it has gone. 17. Give comics that 'Pulp Fiction' feel by reading the last frames of cartoons first, then read the rest in a random order 18. Heavy smokers. Don't throw away those filters from the end of your cigarettes. Save them up and within a few years you'll have enough to insulate your roof. 19. Motorists. Enjoy the freedom of cycling by removing your windscreen, sticking half a melon skin on your head, then jumping red lights and driving the wrong way up one way streets. 20. Always poo at work. Not only will you save money on toilet paper, but you'll also be getting paid for it. 21. Nissan Micra drivers. Attach a lighted sparkler to the roof of your car before starting a long journey. You drive the things like dodgems anyway, so it may as well look like one. 22. Avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink. 23. You only need two tools in life - wd-40 and duct tape. if it doesn't move and should, use the wd-40. if it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape. DAILY THOUGHT: Some people are like slinkies... not really good for anything but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs. Last edited by FluffybunnY; 01-09-2008 at 06:18 AM. |
|
|
|
was this written by a man though?
