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old one but good.
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07-01-2007, 04:23 AM
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#1 (permalink) | ||||||||
Premium Member
Posts: 16
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Mozambique
Age: 23
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old one but good.
There was a Scottish tradesman, a painter called Jock, who was very interested in making a pound where he could, so he often would thin down paint to make it go a wee bit further.
As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually the Presbyterian Church decided to do a big restoration job on the roof of one their biggest churches. Jock put in a bid, and because his price was so competitive, he got the job. Soon he set to, with a right good will, erecting the trestles and setting up the planks, and buying the paint and, yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it down with the turpentine. Well, Jock was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly done, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder, and the sky opened the rain poured down, washing the thin paint from all over the church and knocking Jock fair off the scaffold to land on the lawn, among the gravestones, surrounded by telltale puddles of the thinned and useless paint. Jock was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he got on his knees and cried: "Oh, God! Forgive me! What should I do?" From the thunder, a mighty voice spoke: "Repaint! Repaint and thin no more!"
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Silver Bear 
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07-01-2007, 04:26 AM
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#2 (permalink) | ||||||||
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Premium Member
Posts: 16
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Mozambique
Age: 23
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The Conductor
An old Conductor named Joe was riding the rails and collecting tickets, when he came upon a rather shabby man seated by the window.
Joe said, "Ticket please." "I don't need no ticket! I'm a free spirit! I go where and when I will!" the hobo answered. Joe was having a tough time that day, so in a fit of rage, he grabbed the hobo by the scruff of his neck and threw him off the train. Unfortunately, the Hobo's head struck a rock when he landed and the poor slob died. They arrested Joe at the very next stop. Joe was convicted of murder and sentenced to death in the electric chair. They strapped old Joe in and the Warden asked him if he had any last requests. Joe replied, "Yep! Can I have a banana and an ounce of palm oil?" An odd request, but the Warden granted it and stood by as Joe ate the banana and rubbed the palm oil on his chest. The time came to pull the lever, but when they did, NOTHING HAPPENED! They pulled it again and NOTHING HAPPENED! Well under the law, if two pulls fail to kill the convict, he must go free! As Joe was preparing to leave, the Executioner suspected Joe had pulled a fast one. He grabbed Joe and yelled, "I' ve gotta know! What's with the banana?" Joe replied, "Well, I like bananas." The Executioner screamed, "Then what's with the palm oil??!" Joe exclaimed, "Waitin' in prison gives me a rash. The oil soothes it!" The frenzied Executioner cried, "HOW DO YOU KEEP SURVIVING THE CHAIR!" Joe scratched his head, thought a moment and said, "Well sir, I guess I'm just not a very good conductor!"
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Silver Bear
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07-01-2007, 09:32 AM
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#4 (permalink) | ||||||||
Management
Posts: 2,146
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Horse Country
Age: 67
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OH those need to be in the old GROAN section. I love em!!
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KatRN 
