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qrthrs23 · 02-05-2008, 01:13 AM

Hi everyone, My name is Mary. I have never done this before, but I really need someone to talk to.
I recently moved back to NY from FL. I had a little trouble in FL, so my husband of 6 years and I decided that I should come up to NY to stay with my family and he would tie things up and be up in three weeks which would have been February 1st. Well he lied, he is still in FL and doesn't want to leave. Apparently, his job and friends are more important than I am.
I have talked to him and he keeps coming up with excuses as to why he can't come. I know that he doesn't like living in NY, so I offered to move somewhere else where he would be happy and now he has a dozen excuses as to why he can't move til the first of March. I guess he likes his new found freedom and that is all he can think about. We have been happily married for 6 years with no major problems, but as soon as I was out he started acting like a 21 year old again.
I am lost without him and he acts like he doesn't even miss me. I can't stand the thought of losing him and really don't know what to do. I am afraid he will back out of moving agian
Any advice would be greatly appericated.

Nilla · 02-05-2008, 09:02 AM

**remember we are not professionals**

If the lose ends are tied up and everything is back to the way it was before, pack up and move back with your husband. Make sure to plan trips every so often to go back to your home town, but you "place" for lack of a better word is with him. Just show up on ya'll doorstep and suprise him. That is about the only way you will be able to see exactly what is going on. Now if he is abusive...this isnt a good idea (and if he is abusive, then count this as a blessing and stay with your family). If you have any THOUGHT that he could hurt you then this isnt a good idea either. Take someone with you if you feel more comfortable.....but go smack some sense into him!

**Kay** · 02-05-2008, 10:33 AM

Unfortunately I cannot give you any advice, but I hope everything will work out for you and your husband. Good luck!

GrammyBear · 02-05-2008, 12:51 PM

Bless your heart. You know, men are often more drawn to women who want them but who don't need/cling to/smother them.
Whatever he's doing down there, I'd guess you really don't want to walk in on it and start what could become the end. If you love him, you want him happy so I'd let him be until he figures out what he wants.
My concern is you at the moment. You can get through this whether he comes to you or not. Distract yourself in New York. Even get a job for a while. Whatever passes time and takes your mind off missing the man you think he is...he may turn out different.
Whatever you decide, have faith in yourself to survive and remember you aren't alone. Many of us have been in similar situations, male and female, and life goes on as it's supposed to. If it's right, it'll all work out and if it wasn't right, best you stop wasting each others time and move toward true happiness elsewhere.

Delya · 02-05-2008, 04:32 PM

Hello,Mary! I can understand you very well,because my closest friend had the same situation,the only difference is that he left for awhile and didn't want to come back after 6 months.He had a good work in another country and tried to persuade her that soon they would be together....time passed....day by day,but he didn't want to return.Finally she decided to go there herself,cus she really loved him and didn't want to lose....It was very difficult to go for her,cus she needed a lot of documents to prepare( her husband lived in another country,not city or stste like in your case) she had to get viza,it took time( about 4 months) and only then she took their small daughter and left her native country! They live in the USA now very happy,before they lived in Azerbaijan! So I think u should go yourself if doesn't want or if he can't! Don't lose him,if you love him! GOOD LUCK to you,Mary! God bless you!

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