i need some advice!!!!

**aussiegirl** · 11-17-2007, 06:57 AM

the other night i was at a party and one of my friend was really drunk and smoking throughout the night. (which she does alot). and i went and sat by myself to get away from the party but she came over to me. i just told her that i didnt want to talk to her while she was drunk and acting silly. she then foully swore at me and she walked away. i then became really upset and could not breathe and then i had an asthma attack and nearly fainted. i care about her so much and i am so sick and tired of her hurting herself. but worrying about her is making me really sick. i dont think i can bring myself to talk to her again after she has hurt me so must pshycally and mentally. what should i do?

**aussiegirl** · 11-18-2007, 04:39 AM

anyone have any advice for me?

ycats · 11-18-2007, 05:13 AM

I don't know aussie, usually these things work themselves out with time. That's about all I can really say. I hope things work out for the best!

**Jonathan** · 11-18-2007, 01:03 PM

aussie,

It is a strange thing, but sometimes our friends choose to self destruct. I view this as a person to person option, as I really don't know your friend. So here are what I view as your two options:

1) Hound this girl, get her to seek help. Get others involved and see if you can talk to her before she does something stupid.

2) Sit back and watch. I know that sounds bad, but sometimes people have to hit rock bottom and make mistakes before they will learn from them. Keep yourself at a distant but try and be there when she needs someone to pick her back up.

Just my personal opinion.

- Jonathan

Nilla · 11-19-2007, 10:34 AM

I would have to agree with Jonathan on this one. Sometimes you HAVE to sit back and just BE there when she needs you most. You cant make another person's decisions for them and you cant fix their mistakes. You have to let them live them on their own...but when they do fall....they will fall hard and you will have to be there to support her climb back to the top.

Best of luck to you!

**please remember we are not professionals!!**

beast_of_the_east · 11-25-2007, 02:10 AM

i disagree sitting around and doing nothing would be very irresponsible,
this girl has troubles and she thinks resolving them by drinking
them away, if you sit and do nothing and by some fate she died how would you feel then, when shes straight and if you care about her dearly
ask her as a friend to seek help b4 its too late, to many ppl just sit there and wait for them to hit rock buttom and by then its too late, by then she could be killed by some psycho or kill herself(worst case scenario)just be her friend and tell her that as her friend im worried and think you need to seek help. if that dont work threatened to tell the ones she lovers dearly(family members) she'll hate you at first but when shes fully recovered she'll remember who helped her and thank you

**aussiegirl** · 11-25-2007, 05:01 AM

thankyou all for your suggestions i have alot to think about.

**uneek** · 11-25-2007, 05:20 AM

I would suggest you should contact alanon they have a call centre number in the local phone book here in australia with well trained counsellors they have a great deal of experience in this field and would also help you find ways to cope with this this sort of behaviour and give you options that you could consider and decide for yourself.

Jinx13 · 11-30-2007, 04:02 PM

Learn to walk away. Just let her know how much you love her, but you won't stand by and watch her, hurt herself anymore. It's too painful for you. Be honest, and by doing this, maybe she'll realize, this is a wake up call. Maybe she'll get help. Stay with positive people, otherwise, if she doesn't shape up, she'll be dragging you down now, or worse. You're showing her tough love, by choosing to walk away. This makes the message clear, and if she loves you, she'll know she's hurting herself too, and may straighten up. I hope this helps, and I wish you the best of luck. Gentle hugs

GrammyBear · 12-08-2007, 08:26 PM

It's been my experience that love and kindness go far in solving any problem.
Forgive her so she can one day forgive herself. Also helps you to forgive when you mess up. We all mess up.
You can't change anyone but once in a while, you can influence someone by your actions and they will change themselves.
Beware though, this is a powerful ability you have so use it wisely and make sure the example you are is a good one.
Explain you are her friend and as such you cannot handle watching her do things that hurt her.
We should all be our own best friends first. Someone we admire, respect, appreciate, enjoy and even love.
Try forgiveness and kindness because it goes much further in the long run without any harmful paybacks. Anger, revenge and hate hurt the bearer much more than anyone they direct it at.

...sorry, I talk too much

11-17-2007, 06:57 AM	#1 (permalink)

aussiegirl Premium Member Posts: 1,160 Blog Entries: 2 Points: 1,937,925,879 Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Australia	i need some advice!!!! the other night i was at a party and one of my friend was really drunk and smoking throughout the night. (which she does alot). and i went and sat by myself to get away from the party but she came over to me. i just told her that i didnt want to talk to her while she was drunk and acting silly. she then foully swore at me and she walked away. i then became really upset and could not breathe and then i had an asthma attack and nearly fainted. i care about her so much and i am so sick and tired of her hurting herself. but worrying about her is making me really sick. i dont think i can bring myself to talk to her again after she has hurt me so must pshycally and mentally. what should i do? __________________ Last edited by ycats; 11-18-2007 at 05:15 AM. Reason: masking of inappropriate language

11-18-2007, 04:39 AM	#2 (permalink)

aussiegirl Premium Member Posts: 1,160 Blog Entries: 2 Points: 1,937,925,879 Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Australia	anyone have any advice for me? __________________

11-18-2007, 05:13 AM	#3 (permalink)

ycats Witty Kitty Posts: 2,125 Blog Entries: 1 Points: 3,147,352,199,050 Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: USA Age: 21	I don't know aussie, usually these things work themselves out with time. That's about all I can really say. I hope things work out for the best! __________________ Any questions or concerns? Email me: ycats@chatsusa.com Last edited by ycats; 11-18-2007 at 05:18 AM. Reason: cuz i can't spell

11-25-2007, 05:01 AM	#7 (permalink)

aussiegirl Premium Member Posts: 1,160 Blog Entries: 2 Points: 1,937,925,879 Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Australia	thankyou all for your suggestions i have alot to think about. __________________

11-25-2007, 05:20 AM	#8 (permalink)

uneek Premium Member Posts: 247 Points: 229,545,913 Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: QLD Australia Age: 33	I would suggest you should contact alanon they have a call centre number in the local phone book here in australia with well trained counsellors they have a great deal of experience in this field and would also help you find ways to cope with this this sort of behaviour and give you options that you could consider and decide for yourself. __________________ dodge this

11-19-2007, 10:34 AM	#5 (permalink)

Nilla WHIP EXPERT Posts: 1,526 Points: 15,782,698,894,435 Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Georgia Age: 24	I would have to agree with Jonathan on this one. Sometimes you HAVE to sit back and just BE there when she needs you most. You cant make another person's decisions for them and you cant fix their mistakes. You have to let them live them on their own...but when they do fall....they will fall hard and you will have to be there to support her climb back to the top. Best of luck to you! please remember we are not professionals!!

11-25-2007, 02:10 AM	#6 (permalink)

beast_of_the_east New Member Posts: 8 Points: 5,234 Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: new york	i disagree sitting around and doing nothing would be very irresponsible, this girl has troubles and she thinks resolving them by drinking them away, if you sit and do nothing and by some fate she died how would you feel then, when shes straight and if you care about her dearly ask her as a friend to seek help b4 its too late, to many ppl just sit there and wait for them to hit rock buttom and by then its too late, by then she could be killed by some psycho or kill herself(worst case scenario)just be her friend and tell her that as her friend im worried and think you need to seek help. if that dont work threatened to tell the ones she lovers dearly(family members) she'll hate you at first but when shes fully recovered she'll remember who helped her and thank you

11-30-2007, 04:02 PM	#9 (permalink)

Jinx13 New Member Posts: 1 Points: 5,080 Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Canada	Learn to walk away. Just let her know how much you love her, but you won't stand by and watch her, hurt herself anymore. It's too painful for you. Be honest, and by doing this, maybe she'll realize, this is a wake up call. Maybe she'll get help. Stay with positive people, otherwise, if she doesn't shape up, she'll be dragging you down now, or worse. You're showing her tough love, by choosing to walk away. This makes the message clear, and if she loves you, she'll know she's hurting herself too, and may straighten up. I hope this helps, and I wish you the best of luck. Gentle hugs

12-08-2007, 08:26 PM	#10 (permalink)

GrammyBear Joy Seeker! Posts: 10,106 Blog Entries: 1 Points: 1,837,474,777,089 Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: ...just over the edge Age: 54	It's been my experience that love and kindness go far in solving any problem. Forgive her so she can one day forgive herself. Also helps you to forgive when you mess up. We all mess up. You can't change anyone but once in a while, you can influence someone by your actions and they will change themselves. Beware though, this is a powerful ability you have so use it wisely and make sure the example you are is a good one. Explain you are her friend and as such you cannot handle watching her do things that hurt her. We should all be our own best friends first. Someone we admire, respect, appreciate, enjoy and even love. Try forgiveness and kindness because it goes much further in the long run without any harmful paybacks. Anger, revenge and hate hurt the bearer much more than anyone they direct it at. ...sorry, I talk too much __________________ Happiness is a Choice - Not an Accident! Be Yourself: Those who mind don't matter. Those who matter, won't mind. Leave good memories in the hearts of others. Proud Member: CUSA's Bookworms, Moviegoers, and Metalheads Best Wishes and Bear Hugs, GrammyBear CUSA Moderator