Wildbird

Posts: 6

Ever have something hanging over your head? a big secret? one you can't tell ANYONE? I'm sure I'm not the only one -- but this one is pretty big. It's tough to admit but I've been married for a long time to a good man and have wonderful children. About 11 years ago I met a man at a work function and we started an affair shortly after. Heard it before, right? Well, in this case, we live 1200 miles apart and happen to have children around the same age which is pretty unusual considering how young we were when we both had them. I should mention that when I met this man he was separated from his wife -- regardless, he knew I was married for a long time. We were instantly attracted to each other, almost like lightning. It scared me to death and I did nothing with him except email each other for awhile. When I happened to be in his area for the first time after our initial meeting, we were together and it was the best, intimate experience I ever had -- an amazing connection of wild, passionate intimacy.

OK - so fast forward to today. It's been nearly 11 years since my relationship with Scott started and I've waited YEARS for him to be free ... free from his wife who returned to him after the couple of years, and free from his now grown boys. But recently he told me he wasn't planning to make a change -- he bought a Harley, doing well at work after jumping from job to job after leaving the company that we met at, and now his son is overseas fighting for our freedom. I'm in love with this man, can't seem to get him out of my mind, have immense respect for him and his strength, and have invested many, many years waiting for the moment that we'd be together. I'm an educated woman but truly did not see this end -- and feel like a complete a**. Could there be other women in his life? Doubtful -- he's the kind of guy that's so into his own "stuff" that there's little time for other excitement.

So here I sit struggling on how to let this man go and continue with the "normal" life I lead with my husband and kids. How the heck do I do that?! There's so much emotion invested on both of our parts and there's no way he'd say goodbye -- it's been nearly 6 months since I saw him last. I can simply stop corresponding with him, but that doesn't happen that often anyway. It's the emotional tie I need to break -- and quickly. In order for me to re-invest in my life here, I have no choice but to figure out how to let him go. I'm sinking into a funk that is primarily caused by this heartache ... and it's starting to affect all areas of my life.

If you've been here before, enlighten me on how to take steps to "erase" this man from my thoughts. Please help!!!

GrammyBear

Posts: 9,981

Blog Entries: 2

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Wildbird

Posts: 6

Thanks, TX Grammy Bear. This is a very difficult situation and will be tough to say goodbye but at this point, it's the only thing that's logical. Unfortunately, logic hardly plays a role when deep-rooted feelings are involved. Nonetheless, you're advice is well taken and ironically, Scott is from TX so it's even more fitting that you responded.

The new year is just around the corner so it's a perfect time to make resolutions. Happy New Year! And thanks for wishing me luck ... I'm going to need it.

GrammyBear

Posts: 9,981

Blog Entries: 2

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SandStorm

Posts: 298

well Wildbird, I read up on what your going threw and realy i dont know you well enough to give advice and you dont know me..But i was always told that if you love someone so much, it's better to let them go and to tell'em about it so that way they will leave you alone and not bother you , so you can get on with your life...It's hard to go threw but thats what youre going to have to do, if he isnt willing to give his wife up for you...
And i also been told if you really love a person you would give it all up for that person no matter what...and it seems like he doesnt love you that much...but i could be wrong..
I wish you the best and a Happy New Year.


SandStorm

lolohill

Posts: 7

There's no quickway. There's no easy fix. You need to change your focus. Think of things (besides him) that make you happy. Think of these things while your doing your everyday rituals. Eventually, with time you will start to have less and less "him" moments. You need to stop doing some of the things that make you thinkof him. You know what they are. Just stop doing them. If necessary you may need to change alot of your routines that cause you to stop and ponder. Take up a new hobby, maybe a new career. Just change your focus!! Repetiion is the mother of skill! I know, my wife left me for a childhood friend after 18 years and I still live in the same house. Her memories are everywhere. I just changed my focus and routines and it is helping. Of course I still have my moments but I find that its getting easier to move past then. Be happy you still have your family!! I hope this helped.

Wildbird

Posts: 6

Thanks everyone! A few weeks have passed since I decided to let go, and as time goes on, the pain becomes more manageable. It's been really hard to move on, but I know I have to now.

SandStorm

Posts: 298