04-19-2007, 11:27 PM
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#1 (permalink) | ||||||||
Platimum Member
Posts: 60
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: iowa
Age: 15
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Hmm
SUMMARY OF THE PAST YEAR ON MY COMPUTER
I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing. Also, now I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason. I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $5,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program. I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish. I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day. I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. I no longer drink Coca Cola because I've learned that it can remove toilet stains. I no longer buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas. I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans. I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer. I now know that I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life. I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS. I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me. I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise. I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army. I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan. I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike. I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe. Thanks to my many internet friends, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt. And thanks to the great advice, I will never pick up $5.00 I dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg. Have a great day! PS: A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain and sexual activity read this with their hand on the mouse. Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late. I won't tell.
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Bobby 
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04-20-2007, 03:39 PM
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#4 (permalink) | ||||||||
Management
Posts: 2,145
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Horse Country
Age: 66
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Good thing I use a touch pad!!
__________________
 Robby Attention: Use our support system located at: http://www.chatsusa.net/support |
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KatRN 
