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I do not make judgements about lifestyles and sexual orientation as I know nothing about that subject!
I would however, suggest that you find a counseling service in your area! Professional type, community based, or even religious based! To get your self thru the conflict you are having. You need help that is not available from this site!
We make no judgements as to what you have been feeling or doing. That is your life, however you do need some help in working thru these problems.
If you just need to talk, many of us are good listener's.
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